Vince’s Story
My Andys’ Man Club Journey
My journey started back on Feb 22 when my mental health had reached an all-time low, I have battled depression and social anxiety all my adult life. But it was very different this time around as all my normal coping strategies were not working to get me out of the dark hole I was in.
On Feb 14th 22 my wife told me that I was going to Andys’ Man Club, I wasn’t driving I had to walk so that I could not turn away from the help I needed so badly.
I was greeted by a wonderful set of men who welcomed me with open arms and helped ease the path through the doors for my very first session. I sat on the far side of the circle next to the facilitator who was running the little group I was in. As I sat and listened to everybody else’s week I felt a bit of a fraud as their stories seemed to make mine seem so small in comparison. When it was my turn, I thought about passing and letting someone else continue, but that was not the reason I came, to pass up on my first session, so this is my Story.
I began telling why I was there; in 2018 both my parents had started showing the early signs of deteriorating memory which we thought at first was down to getting old.
I had taken my mother to the doctor as she was quite worried about it, we found out that she was showing the early signs of Alzheimer’s. We had arranged to have both my parents see a Memory clinic at the beginning of Feb 21 to get a full diagnosis.
But before we got to that point my mother had a serious fall and suffered a small bleed to the brain, that was Jan 21 and was subsequently kept in hospital for 3 weeks. During this period her Alzheimer’s symptoms seemed to increase quickly I had also noticed that my father had worryingly started to show serious signs that he was getting a lot worse too, probably due to the stress of my mother not being there and not being able to go and see her.
My wife and I tried to care for them both at our home, but it was so difficult as they kept wondering where they were and we didn’t get much sleep at all during the 5 days they stayed here.
The hospital had referred my mother to Adult Social Care (ASC) so that her needs could be assessed for what was required to stay at home. To cut a long story short ASC recommended that we needed a care company to come in three times a day to assist in their needs.
They installed a careline and motion sensors at both the front and back doors so that I could be alerted if they decided to take a wander after 10 pm. I was asked to attend several ASC meetings at my parents’ house, but it soon became apparent that my depression had increased causing me to suffer violent migraines,
I sought help from my doctors and I was unable to attend one particularly crucial meeting and had to ask my brother to step in for a short while my medication kicked in. On that day he thought it was going to be a short 30-minute meeting and he could be on his way, oh boy was he wrong 6 hrs later left to go home in tears from the realisation of what I had been dealing with on a regular day-to-day basis.
As the medication had started to work and the carers had been arranged, I thought it was going to be a little easier, but no, my parents refused all the carer’s help and kicked off every time they came in, so I was called all the time to be there to assist and calm them.
I wasn’t getting a break at all; on several occasions, the police and the paramedics were called as tempers flared. On the final occasion, the carers came by on a night check and found that a fan heater had been knocked over and had just started a small fire which they put out. ASC were called back in to take them into respite care in the hospital so that they could be re-assessed, but they would not go,
I went and talked to them and asked them to go so I could get better as I was at a breaking point with my mind to do that. Though I knew it was for the best I felt even more and more guilt which pushed me further and further down.
So that is my back story. So here I was at an Andy Man meeting with a group of men all wondering how I had coped for so long with the mounting pressure of depression, anxiety and the overriding feeling of guilt.
On finishing the session, I felt a little lighter. I felt that it had helped me by sharing the internal burden I was carrying.
I still battle depression, anxiety and severe migraines every day, but it’s got a lot easier, since going to that meeting for the first time. I have battled many things in my life due to one thing or another, it feels that just as I seem to be getting into a better place along comes another hammer blow to try and peg me back, but time and time again with the great support from my fellow group members I survive and live a new day.
I gratefully call these men my close friends. I have only ever missed a few sessions due to being unwell. I know I can count on them to aid me in my fight against my demons. I have managed to create new coping strategies to cope with bereavement and my anxieties about standing up and speaking up about my issues. I decided that I was in a good enough place to give back to my peers by becoming a facilitator and helping run Andy Man sessions.
I have since lost my mother-in-law and a very close friend to cancer, both had helped me through my dark times. Five months later I sadly lost my father. I know they are in a better place and are watching over me, I hope I’m making them proud with all the work I have done in trying to help change the narrative of men not being able to talk about their mental health and other issues, issues which cause suffering and pain. I will continue the fight on all fronts.
If you find my story an inspiration for you and it helps provide a path to get some help to fight your demons, then please come along to one of our sessions. You can find your local club at andysmanclub.co.uk or you can contact me at my club which meets a Rochdale AFC by emailing Bob Or Dave at info@daletrust.co.uk who are the welfare officers for the Rochdale Supporters Trust and will link you with us, and its all in full confidentiality.
I hope that when you read this journey of mine it may help save another man’s life like it saved mine.
Vince