Once upon a time about 100 years ago, in a pub somewhere football was invented.
Fast forward to the 8th August 2014 and there was 2 little words keeping every Rochdale Supporters team player up all night “United, Home” – I had to slightly amend a Green Street quote, but you get the general idea – but yeah, the Rochdale Supporters team were taking on Man United in an opening day IFA League / NW Cup double header at San Hopwood.
The morning had come and you could tell the lads were up for it. Captain for the day Paul Hudson had supplied the music and to everyone’s surprise had a nice mix of songs which wouldn’t be out of place in a backstreet nightclub in Croydon, also rumours were circulating that PH had dropped a random “hoes aint loyal” bomb during work that week, exciting stuff.
Nice surprise for the lads, well I say nice, but due to the absence of our new goalkeeping DILF Adam Stott and Remi Chatburn (filming the new series of Shameless somewhere I think) we had drafted in our legendary goalkeeper Buffon – that is his name. Famous in the IFA circles for his constant mid game sledging, had returned for a motivating 90 minutes.
Start of a new season, start of a new Big Walsh/Little Walsh debate. As will be mentioned in the rest of this season, I’m having Joe as the big one due to Luke’s paddy (this will be covered in the report).
Kyle Davies had managed to squeeze into a XLB shirt which quite evidentially showed off his nipples, Jack Leeming had supplied 2 bags of team satsuma’s (to which I still can’t think of a good reason why I bought them) and as any amateur football team will know, a kit bag that once held about 20 football shirts had roughly 13 in the bag? One of life’s myths I suppose.
Young aspiring manager Rhys Wolstenholme had lined up a 3-5-2 formation the team was as follows:
Buffon
Liam Jennings – Jack Leeming – Jonny Hall
Luke Walsh – Dee – Johnny Barton – Joe Walsh – Phil Darlington
Paul Hudson ©- Kyle Davies
We were clearly using Joe Walsh’s passing expertise to pull the strings, but that’s not my call….
Like any football team looking to start a game well, the best way to prepare is with an efficient, well co-ordinated warm up. But of course, this ends up with 15-20 lads having shots at the same time with 1 goalkeeper in net feeling like any girl would do after a night out with Iain Murray, abused. Then moving onto 2 people putting crosses in, then onto a small passing circle.
As this was the first game of the season our official team photographer / impact sub Paul Smith-Markl was on hand to take our team photo, which did include a few attempts at Iain Murray trying to be Ashley Cole and an individual photo which I’m sure PSM waited for me to blink when he took my photo.
But anyway, to quote Bane: Let the games begin.
Dale started very well, keeping the ball on the deck and occasionally using PH’s (Zlatan) ego as an outlet to go long. We were kind of like a Rhys Wolstenholme and Pep Guardiola love child.
We started on top, and finished first (no change there) – with Dee, nobody actually knows his real name, supplying Phil Darlington with a pin point pass to send the ball into the back of the United net sending the crowd wild. Mick Hall, Eddie Darlington and Mr Walsh went mental; no flare went off so I can only assume that it was taken of Mick when he entered the ground.
It’s at this point I have to say I cannot compliment our opening goalscorer during this report. I’m not saying he thinks he is better than everyone else on the team, but he is off to Hull Uni next month trying to “better his life” and will be absent for the majority of games this season. I’m not saying uni is a bad thing, but the last supporters team player to graduate was Dean Smith, and he is a t#@%. But anyway, best of luck PD, you’ll be back.
As the game carried on United were growing back into the game, and with a well worked attack they equalised around the 30 minute mark and took the lead shortly after, Dale were now trailing 2-1. I’m pretty sure Greek Kyle missed a sitter at 1-0, not saying this would have changed the outcome of the overall game, but it would have made a huge impact and I’m sure I would have scored…
Buffon had now asked Jonny Hall to start taking his free kicks, claiming his leg had tightened up and it wasn’t his old age…
The game was getting very “physical”. United were throwing in some very strong tackles and so were we, Dee isn’t one to get outmuscled in the middle of the park and this record continued. Some would say that back in the good old days of football, some of the tackles wouldn’t have looked out of place. But I’m pretty sure I saw Anderson Silva use one of Dee’s tackles in the Octagon defending his UFC belt. Liam Jennings was throffing at the seams.
Luke Walsh ladies and gentlemen. Some would say he was “on one” back in Hippodrome running around the square in Benidorm, but it was definitely the first half of this game when he was “on one”. Not quite sure why but he is a very angry man at the moment, who has to be looked after and cared for. Luckily this passed, and he calmed down, he will be getting reminded of those 20 minutes throughout the rest of the season though.
The referee blew for half time. After a half time discussion, Joe Ralphs replaced Dee in the middle of the park.
The 2nd half started brilliantly for Dale, JR and Johnny Barton were running the show in the middle allowing Joe Walsh to push on. It didn’t take long, but the early pressure led into an equaliser. Dale won a free kick about 25 yards towards the corner of the box. Greek Kyle sent in a cross to the back stick, this was definitely a cross, but the wind must have taken the ball into the far corner of the net. 2-2.
Dale were on top, and with some brilliant hold up play by Zlatan, he then fed Luke down the right wing who sent across a powerful low cross into the 6 yard box that allowed Greek Kyle to fire home for his 2nd and Dales 3rd. I’m not sure how this happened, but KD forced the keeper to go off injured with his effort, forcing United to bring on a sub in goal for the last 25-30 minutes. This obviously brought the usual “get some shots off lads” shouts as he entered the field of play.
Now came a moment then left every Dale player hoping for the best (honestly didn’t find it funny…) but Zlatan got well untruly “Lunded” from a United player. Forcing him to go off, replaced by Andew Lorrimer / Loz! We all were hoping his hamstrings were going to hold out for the rest of the game….
2 more substitutions. PD came off, claiming a knock but we all knew he was shattered with new boy Rory Magner taking his place. JB came off after a very good game, replaced by Jimmy Hardman. United had changed formations slightly as they were chasing the game so Dale had go back to a 4-4-2 formation to hopefully see out the game.
But as United were pressing they equalised with about 10 minutes to go with a brilliant strike. 10 Buffons wouldn’t have got near it. 3-3.
The last 10 minutes of the game was end-to-end, Liam Jennings blocked a shot with his face, emulating John Terry at the 2010 World Cup.
But the game ended 3-3, fair to say that this was probably the deserved result with neither of the teams feeling hard done by. Next up for Dale is Marine at home on Saturday in the IFA League.
Up the Dale!
Thanks to Jack and Rhys for the Report!